For Squidgy, On Your First Day at School | Me Becoming Mum

Dearest Squidgy,

This day, that was so far from my mind as I held you for the first time, is finally here.

The day you start "big" school.

You have already been to preschool, so the daily event of having you away from home for a few hours is not unusual to me; but for some reason this feels different.

This is more than just a couple of hours a day, of non-essential part-time education. This is it for the next fourteen years of your life. This is the start of your true independance, the day you start a new adventure, learning and growing in a whole new way.

I won't lie, I'm not sure I'm ready.

I will miss our early morning snuggles as you try and wake me to get your breakfast, and the impromptu days out and trips to the park. The good days when we play, make Lego, draw in chalk on the garden paving stones, go for walks and chase each other through woodlands will be fewer now. We will make the most of our weekends, you can be sure of that, but it will be different.

I have so many precious memories of our days together. From bringing Pickle home and your first cuddle, the proudest big sister alive to taking walks into town to meet daddy for lunch, just because we can. You will make new memories now, and I hope the ones we make together will be just as special as the new ones you make with new friends.

I have cried so many tears (hiding them from you, so you don't get worried or scared)  and had so many sleepless nights worrying (probably unnecessarily) about this huge milestone.

Yet I know you will be ok.

You are a little social butterfly. You are my beautiful, bright, happy little girl who makes friends every time she goes out. Neighbours, children at the park, the supermarket, wherever you are, you make people smile, laugh and want to be around you. 

You are so excited, and I know that you will love it, just as I did.

You are such a clever girl, and so eager to learn. You are ready for this next step, even if I feel like the years have flown too quickly and this day has arrived too soon.  you will soak everything up, just as you always have, and expand your knowledge, growing with each new thing you learn.

I want you to enjoy yourself, so please don't worry about me.

I know you have voiced your fears about leaving me behind. I know you feel like you need to be here, to take care of me and make sure I'm ok. Taking care of you is my job... and although I am grateful for your calming influence and your caring attitude towards me when I have had some hard days, I will be OK.

All I want is for you to be happy.

I love you my beautiful rainbow baby, and wish you so much luck as you start this new journey.  Never forget I am always here for cuddle, snuggles, chats and anything else you need. When you asked me if you could keep me forever? The answer is yes. I am always here for you. I will always be your mummy.

All my love,

Mumma Naii xxxx